Thursday, June 30, 2005

go out with a bang

one time i really loved this girl. there were four of us but i really loved this one. this girl was smart and beautiful and she fucking loved drugs. this girl fucking destroyed herself. this girl loved cutting lines and rolling bills and i loved it too when this girl used to hold my hair back while i blew lines in the front seat of my car. this girl used to dance with me and she used to drive so fast it felt like flying. this girl could freeze time. this girl loved putting shit in her nose and i did too but this girl learned to love putting shit in her arm and i never did. this girl started calling me all husky voiced to say i'm so fucking lonely i'm so fucking lonely. this girl spent the night in jail. this girl was so fucking ashamed. it's only money. i told her it's only fucking money. i don't care about it. this girl was like a dead person. this girl shook and dropped everything she touched. i watched this girl shake and seize and i cleaned up shit off her. this girl moved me to tears and she moved me to poetry even though i tried to disguise it in paragraph form:

bang out with a go confuse and take abuse at your own hand where skin is thin and draped like sheets where fragile bones and muscles meet where veins raise up in pain like welts of protest on the backs of blacks enslaved in chains where arms are stained like sidestreets after heavy rain your scars betray your arms a documentary.

one time i really loved this girl. i loved this girl as much as anything and i would have done anything for her if i had known what.
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