Saturday, April 09, 2005


that's me and my best friends when i was like 17. look how fucking innocent we would look if i wasn't smoking.

so one time it was like the hottest day of the summer and we were sitting around bored smoking cigarettes with nothing to do so we decided to walk over to this kid sam's apartment who lived in cicero. cicero is so fucking dirty i can't even believe it. i guess we got bored drinking and watching xani bar and sam make out and we heard the guy upstairs sold coke, so we started banging on the ceiling with a broom or whatever and he got all pissed and stomped on the floor and then we went outside and started yelling hey! open the window! and so this old columbian dude sticks his head out the window and we're like hi! let us up!

so we went up there and i guess we said something like hey, wanna do tons and tons of blow with us, because that's what happened. i've never done so much coke in my life. we pretty much blew fat rails one after the next for like 3 hours until we were fucked out of our minds. so then the guy starts smoking a crack rock, and we're like, hey, we want to do that! so that's the story of how i smoked crack.

i don't even know how he got us the fuck out of there because i'm pretty sure we would have stayed there forever. so then we went back downstairs and xani bar and sam were sleeping and this guy named kevin was sleeping on the pullout couch, and there were roaches all over the floor so we were like, psst, kevin, we're getting in bed with you. and all three of us got in the bed with him and we watched the fan. even on crack, that movie is fucking retarded.

as soon as xan woke up we were ready to get the fuck out of there right away. guess what i looked like. i looked like someone who stayed up all night smoking crack on the hottest day of the year. i looked all fucking wild and shit. it was awesome.

oh yeah, later we also found out that kid kevin was a convicted rapist or something.

that never happened. yes it did. no it didn't.

i should write a book about all the things that ever never ever happened to me.
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