Thursday, April 21, 2005

so last night my phone starts ringing and i look at it and i pick it up and i put it down and i pick it up and hit 'reject' and it stops ringing and i look at it for a minute and then i go over to j logic's room and i'm like XXXX just called me. and she's like don't answer. and i'm like OF COURSE I DIDN'T ANSWER!!! so then we went to see if there was a message and there wasn't. then it started ringing again so i ran back into j's room, OH MY GOD, HE'S CALLING AGAIN!!! she says, he's probably like fuck, why didn't i leave a message, and he's calling back to leave a message. i'm like, if he leaves a message i'm not listening to it. you can listen to it and tell me what it says. but that never happened because he didn't leave one THANK GOD. one time in 1995 my friends ex boyfriend called her and sang that bon jovi song i will love you always and forever on her answering machine. i'm hoping that shit never happens to me. but if it does i will totally audio blog it. FOREVER AND A DAY!

anyway this morning gmail alerted me that he wishes we were still in love. huh. interesting. i was going to email him back and tell him to pretend that i fucked his brother and he walked in on it. i was going to tell him to really visualize it, until it made him furious. then call his friends and tell them it actually happened. get more furious. visualize it some more. write me an email and tell me i'm a stupid whore and he can't believe i fucked his brother. probably he could trick himself into actually believing it happened. then he could rip up all pictures of me and smash up everything i ever gave him. soon instead of wishing i would love him again he would wish i was dead and then he could move on with his life or whatever. eventually he would be like "erin? fuck that bitch. she's dead to me." hell, he could even pretedn that i was dead. he could even pretend he was going to see me again in heaven if that made him feel better.

then i would send him a bill for my services as erin mastermind, inventor of the contraversial new cognitive therapy: lying to yourself.

so today of course my phone is ringing off the hook at work. that's really awesome, calling someone at work because you know they can't turn their phone off in case any clients call or whatever. thank god for fucking caller id! i can't wait until i start getting blocked calls. that's when i'm going to answer the phone and play three blind mice into it with the nine five and one buttons.

hey, the phone's ringing again! guess what, if you're trying to wear me down it's not working! YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT ME !!! he should order me a singing telegram. the singing telegram could be dressed as a panda and it could sing that song "if you see me walking by/ and the tears are in my eye/ look away, baby, look away." that would be the awesomest shit ever. i would probably die.

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