Thursday, April 28, 2005

fuck, mother's day is totally coming up.

my mom must be so fucking smart. we went out to eat last weekend and she totally caught on to the magic signals that i was sending her through my eyeballs.

NO I AM NOT TRYING TO COMMUNICATE SECRETS THROUGH TELEPATHY!!!

she's freaking the fuck out because i've been calling the house to talk to my brother and she's like what the fuck, is something going on that i should know about because if i can not be the all knowing fucking matriarch of the world i am going to die. i'm totally using an alias now (samantha fox) but i think she fucking cracked the code.

i should legally change my name to carmen sandiego. then when my mom called i could be like, uh, there's no erin here. and finally after she started to go insane i could be like, oh, didn't i tell you my name is carmen sandiego now? METAMORPHOSIS COMPLETE. that would totally push her over the edge and she would plunge into complete and utter insanity at that point. she could be surrounded by people saying "duh, everybody knew that!" and then their faces would get distorted and the earth would open up and she would fall into hell and they would all peer into the abyss and laugh at her with ugly pig faces and say she didn't even know her own daughter. it would be like the mother of all paxil commercials.

i bet she had that dream last night.
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