Tuesday, March 08, 2005

true lies

in real life i wear a suit that is made out of razor blades and rusty shanks and i write messages on my face that say get the fuck away from me or you make me want to die or whatever.

in real life i hate even numbers.

in real life i weigh 250 pounds and i wear a pink hoodie that says malibu on it and has a picture of some seagulls and i love salisbury steaks and cheaters is my favorite show.

in real life i never wear shorts because i hate my legs.

in real life i'm one of those people that walks around with their head tilted to the side because i can't fucking face life and i'm terrified that someone will notice me.

in real life i have night terrors.

in real life i love vin deisel movies, especially the fucking chronicles of riddick, that shit is fucking awesome.

in real life i'm scared everybody hates me so i hate them first and i hate them harder.

in real life i lie a lot.

in real life i eat three bags of haribo raspberry candies and make myself throw up at least once a month.

in real life my brother leaves me the best voice mails ever.

in real life i have trichotillomania and i have to draw my eyebrows on every morning and wear fake eyelashes and do my hair a special way because i compulsiviely pluck out my own hair.

in real life i love the smell of gasoline.

in real life i'm sensitive and my feelings get hurt even though i pretend they don't and then i can't concentrate in validity generalization because i'm all torn up inside.

in real life the reason i can't concentrate in validity generalization is because i can't stop thinking about sex.

in real life i had a miscarraige while i was tripping on acid.

in real life i've been engaged twice and i didn't give the ring back either time.

in real life i smoked crack in a storefront apartment in cicero with a columbian guy named jake the snake.

in real life eight of these are true. or seven or nine.
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