Friday, February 25, 2005


i'm travelling in europe with xani bar in june and i think she's scared i'm going to act all retarded or something. actually i know she is because i can read her thoughts.

like at my most retarded i am not a beacon of sanity when i am standing next to her.

everyone falls in love with me when we are together because i look like the zen master of coolness even though in reality i am overstimulated and crazy.

but she is so much crazier than me. she is so crazy that she has driven me to violence. one time out of nowhere she fucking knocked me down and bit me. like she put her teeth into my thigh and drew blood. then she acted like i broke some sacred rule of friendship by hitting her in the face, like it's totally normal to throw your friend to the ground and bite her. the second time because she was fucking choking me and i thought i was going to black out. if none of your friends have ever tried to choke you to death than you are missing out because it's fucking hilarious afterwards.

amazingly she doesn't annoy me. which is funny because everyone annoys me, and she is the most annoying person of them all, it's true. it's like she's so annoying that it somehow ceases to be annoying, plus for some reason i have magical powers over her where i can get her to do anything i want. like one time we were at this bondage thing and i convinced her to get strapped into this machine and whipped for my amusement. how could you not love someone who will let a dominatrix paddle her ass just for your enjoyment?

but now that she's lived in versailles for four months she thinks i am too american. so we'll see, maybe when she meets me in the airport i will be wearing a fanny pack and carrying a happy meal and she will bite me in the face or something.
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