Wednesday, February 23, 2005

hot machine sex

my friend mike used to work at this video store yes it was when i worked at the gas station and yes it was just like clerks except better and more interesting. i used to hang out there when i was doing laundry because it was right by the laundermat aka the seventh circle of hell.



anyway the place was like the size of a closet and there was nowhere for me to sit so i had to sit on the counter and all they had was like 2 rows of the worst dumb ass movies ever like probably wild wild west and problem child or whatever. but then there was a curtain and then there was this big ass room full of porn.

have you ever seen machine porn where it's a bunch of girls getting fucked by these futuristic dildo jackhammer machines? it's fucking hilarious and i guess a lot of guys get turned on by it because it was always getting rented out. plus there was a video where the whole point of it was that this lady's pussy was so fucked that guys could basically climb inside her uterus. its true, she could fit a human head in there.

probably even funnier would be if she stuffed a whole bunch of kittens in there and pretended she was giving birth to kittens. that would probably be the best novelty act in the world except that it would probably be disgusting torture for the kittens.

they had magazines too and the best thing to do at the video store was to read the parts where the girl is like i want to taste your come so bad or whatever, if you read it out loud in a good porn voice you can make everyone in the whole place really nervous. also when people came in the store mike would tell me that guy is into gang bangs or that guy likes incest.

the best was that most of the people that came into flix were 37 year old guys that would come into the gas station and try to flirt with me or whatever so it was like what up tereyton 100 soft pack, so you secretly want to bang your daughter, interesting. one of the guys fucking brought me shrimp scampi into the gas station one day because i guess i looked hungry or something. it's like, yeah, i know you are totally into 13 year old girls and you probably think if you bring me some red lobster i will wear little ankle socks and hula hoop naked for you or somthing YEAH RIGHT.

oh man why do i think porn is some of the funniest shit ever.
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