Saturday, January 15, 2005

never trust a hippie

My brother made up a song for me, It's to the tune of that Pharoah Monch song, get the fuck up or whatever. You have to say the words really loud and in an angry voice.

dum dum dum dum...White People with dreadlocks! dum dum dum dum...It just doesn't look right!

Okay, you probably do not realize how cool that song was because it really doesn't look cool written out like that, but just imagine that it was really cool.

Anyway, white people with dreadlocks look like fucking idiots, unless maybe they are Jewish and have really thick hair or something. I went to a Phish show one time, and I think everybody there hated me because I obviously brush my hair. Oh yeah, I also brought a boombox and was playing De La Soul on it, and also Roni Size. That might also be why they hated me. I don't know though, didn't De La Soul's first album have some peace signs on it and shit? So you'd think those kids would have loved it.

Anyway, here's what I noticed at the show: Everybody thought they were so god damned original because they all made their own shirts or whatever, but obviously none of them are master seamstresses because they've all made the same fucking shirt, it's like a rectangle of fabric with some straps on it. Congratulations fuck heads, you are all wearing the exact same shirt.

You can think you're better than the preppy kids that shop at abercrombie but if you're wearing the same shirt as all 10,000 kids at the show, you're really no different. Even if you made it yourself and even if you don't shave your armpits.

Plus I think if you are a hippie you aren't supposed to have an SUV, and you probably aren't supposed to have a $300 cell phone either. And you know what you're probably especially not supposed to have, you're probably not supposed to have a taser.

Yes, I was lucky enough to put up some dirty hippies at my apartment for 3 months. Let me tell you that you should never let a hippie spend the night at your apartment, because he will never leave. Plus he will bring friends and turn your apartment into some sort of sweaty youth hostel. I was intrigued to see that these hippies carried around a taser. Hm. And you know what, not only are they not raging pacifists, I bet they didn't even vote in November. Plus they owe me money. Sluggo, if you are reading this, I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU!!!

So anyway, the moral of this story is that hippies are extint, and if your name is Turtle and you have beads in your hair you are probably not cool and I hope you wake up one day and realize that you are following Phish around the country selling grilled cheese sandwhiches and that your life sucks.


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