Thursday, January 27, 2005

little kids are slutty

God I was a perverted little kid. I used pink nail polish to draw nipples on my barbies and set up pornographic photo shoots with them. I bet whoever developed that film was like What the Fuck??? Plus when I said I wanted to dry hump my neighbor, I think what I meant to say was that I wanted to rape him. Seriously, I wanted to tie him up in my treehouse and have him be my slave. I also used to pole dance on my swingset with my friend Mackenzie. I think she wanted to dry hump Cory too, but too bad for her that even though I was younger I was also smarter and better looking.

I thought I must have been a super freak five year old, but then I found out that other little girls were doing the exact same thing. Some of them were even making out with their cousins, which I never did, even though my cousin Ryan totally had a crush on me and is actually not even related. So!

How come girls can't just admit it. Like, according to the polls, only 50% of women even masturbate or something. Yeah right! Everybody masturbates! I've been doing it since I was five years old!! Maybe all those other 50% didn't find their mom's old copy of Our Bodies Ourselves and learn how to look at their vaginas in the mirror and not be ashamed of it.

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