Sunday, January 30, 2005

honesty magazine

You're getting fat.

It's okay, so am I.

Wait, that's a lie. It's only in my mind that I'm getting fat, because my brain is fucked up and lies to me.

But seriously, how the fuck are they going to show a picture of Caludia Schiffer with her spine sticking out so far that she looks like a fucking stegasauras what with the extreme knobbiness of all her starving vertebrae and say "Get a Hollywood Body"?

I think I'm going to make my own magazine and it's going to be called the honesty magazine. People will kill themselves after reading it. Here's how it will go:

Do you want to get a body like Claudia Schiffer you fucking dildo, do blow every day. Still hungry? Do some more. Do a bump in your cubicle right now. Try not to get fired. Hopefully when you're boss sees you chewing your face off he will think you are working super hard and give you a raise.





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