Monday, December 20, 2004

this could be you

Are you one of those people that only calls me on the phone when you want to tell me about how you got a really great new pair of boots on sale, and after you bore the shit out me explaining it you are like "Peace," and then I am listening to the dial tone like "Wait, isn't it my turn to talk now?"

If this is not you, but you also know this person, here's a tip: It helps if you are playing tetris during this time. That way you can sit through the entire soliloquy and pretend like you give a shit without wanting to blow your brains out. And don't worry, the person on the other side of the phone is so self absorbed there is no way she will notice the little beep boop bop beep, so you don't even have to turn the sound down.

First you try to tell them about the job you applied for, a couple weeks later they cut you off in the middle of your story about your awesome second interview, and the next thing you know a month has gone by and they are acting all surprised, like "You bitch, why didn't you tell me you had a new job!!"

Um, are the things I have to say so incredibly boring that a person can not stand to hear them? Because they couldn't possibly be any more boring than hearing about the fucking fabulous deals at the outlet mall or the stupid asinine reason you are fighting with your friend from work, who by the way is totally lame.

I wonder what would happen if while she was talking I just started screaming at the top of my lungs. Would she just keep on talking? This could be my chance to have my moment of complete social retardation, just to see what kind of reaction I can get.

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