Sunday, November 21, 2004

what's wrong with me?

Road Rage. I have it. I got to drive on the expressway this weekend. Always a thrill. Even though I left my house at 1:00 I still hit rush hour traffic. It's like rush hour is following me around, like a little gray cloud that only rains on me.

First I was tailgated by a shitty white van. My friends and I used to call vans like that "Homey vans" because they look like Homey the Clown is about to pop out of them. The bitch tailgates me and then practically tries to run me off the road. So of course I'm not going to let him in front of me after that, every time he tries to pass me I start driving super fast. God I'm so annoying. I also smile and wave every time he looks over at me. HA! Little does he know I have my Danny the Wildchild cd in the car and am listening to my road rage anthem. He has no chance. Super sharp shooter shooter, bitch!

Next a fucking TOUR BUS tries to merge into my lane, right on top of me. I'm sure the douchebag thought that since his tour bus was a monster truck compared to my Nissan Sentra I would let him in. Little did he know I was willing to die a fiery death before I was going to let a fucking tour bus cut me off. I don't even like driving behind large vehicles when they are legitimately in front of me.

By this point I am having a Grand Theft Auto dream sequence. I'm pulling a giant gun out of my glove compartment and blowing out peoples tires, pointing it at people as I roar with laughter.

What the fuck is wrong with me?
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