Tuesday, August 31, 2004

fuck you very much!

I so very much love the automated voice on the phone when you call the utilities companies, for example AT&T wireless? It's so great that you can now SAY your phone number into the phone instead of using the buttons-- this must come in handy for the one person that still has a rotary dial phone! Except that the stupid thing doesn't know how to recognize the words when you say them, and then you have to push them anyway, and then it doesn't recognize the numbers when you push them either, and then you have to wait for an operator forever. Except it's not really forever, it's actually up to 10 minutes or longer. Seriously, that's what it says, "up to 10 minutes or longer." I don't even know what that fucking means!!! How come the operator isn't even expected to have a grasp of the English language, yet I am expected to pay my bill on time. What the fuck?? All I know is my phone better be back on in 10 to 15 minutes!
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Green Line

How come every morning on my way to work, Minister Coleman is on my train, trying to collect money for Christian something outreach. He loves unsuccessfully collecting money from the same people every day. He should probably mix it up a little. Also, maybe if he had almond M&Ms instead of peanut ones I would give him a dollar sometime.

The guy next to me today smelled like sewage. Wonderful. The best part was that I didn't notice until his cell phone rang and he started talking on it. So I guess it was actually his breath that smelled like sewage. That's so great. It's also really great when the train smells like piss. I wonder if someone actually pulled out their dick and pissed on the train or if someone pissed their pants and then got on the train. Either way.

Blind item: One time I had a roomate that ate a bunch of pills and then pissed all over their own bed. They didn't even wake up, and slept in their own piss for the whole night. And it wasn't Jessica and it wasn't ET. Wait, this blind item sucks, it was obviously Dan Ely.

Also on the train, not as gross as sewage man, but almost. This lady on the train had this purse that was supposed to look like the Louis Vuitton murakami rainbow bag but instead of just getting a cheap knockoff like everyone else on the green line, this woman had purchased the XOXO version, which instead of LV says XO all over it. But the best part about it was that the purse was also made out of that jelly material. Hands down the tackiest thing on the train, which is saying alot as I was on the green line, after all.
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Green line

How come every morning on my way to work, Minister Coleman is on my train, trying to collect money for Christian something outreach. He loves unsuccessfully collecting money from the same people every day. He should probably mix it up a little. Also, maybe if he had almond M&Ms instead of peanut ones I would give him a dollar sometime.

The guy next to me today smelled like sewage. Wonderful. The best part was that I didn't notice until his cell phone rang and he started talking on it. So I guess it was actually his breath that smelled like sewage. That's so great. It's also really great when the train smells like piss. I wonder if someone actually pulled out their dick and pissed on the train or if someone pissed their pants and then got on the train. Either way.

Blind item: One time I had a roomate that ate a bunch of pills and then pissed all over their own bed. They didn't even wake up, and slept in their own piss for the whole night. And it wasn't Jessica and it wasn't Erin Tobin. Wait, this blind item sucks, it was obviously Dan Ely.

Also on the train, not as gross as sewage man, but almost. This lady on the train had this purse that was supposed to look like the Louis Vuitton murakami rainbow bag but instead of just getting a cheap knockoff like everyone else on the green line, this woman had purchased the XOXO version, which instead of LV says XO all over it. But the best part about it was that the purse was also made out of that jelly material. Hands down the tackiest thing on the train, which is saying alot as I was on the green line, after all.
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